the greenest grass around

The idea of not being okay is hard. As people, we strive to be happy and live an Instagram-perfect life. We all do it to some extent, whether it is through our looks, fashion, traveling, perfectly styled home, or active lifestyle, we all try to put our best foot forward for the public.

Trying to be perfect is hard and it takes a toll on us mentally and physically. According to the ADAA (Anxiety and Depression Association of America) 40 million adults in America suffer from anxiety alone and 31% of adolescents between the ages of 13 – 17 are diagnosed as anxious. Those numbers are not even touching the people suffering from depression. Needless to say, a lot of people are not “okay” and they are defiantly not in peak physical and mental health. Over the years, mental health and self-care have been discussed more and more but we still have this idea that we have to put our troubles aside and put a smile on our faces.

As someone going through the grieving process, or anyone who has just had a bad day for that matter, it is easy to not want to complain. It is easy for us to say we are “doing good” when indeed we are not.

I have strived to be real throughout this process but even I have been guilty of smiling and moving on in a crowd. I believe there is a fine line between being genuine and honest with someone who knows you and your situation verse spilling your life story to a stranger who asks how you are in a store. If I do not know you and we are just passing, I will be saying “good and how are you.” also. But if someone I know asks “How are you?” Be prepared to get a hard answer. I am not okay today.

Some people processing grief or something similar does not like to be asked “How are you?” or “Are you okay?” for obvious reasons. So many things go through a person’s mind when this is asked of them: from “Are you kidding me”, “How do you think I am doing?”, to “I feel like sh*t. Thanks for asking.” I have had many conversations with people about this simple question? “How are you?” I have talked with people who do not mind the question and people who hate it and are anxious about people asking this. I do not mind. I feel that if I know you and you are truly asking me how I am doing, then I am going to give you a true answer. I have found that many people want to know. I am reminded of a Bible verse Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.” and Deuteronomy 22:4 “Don’t just watch your fellow Israelite’s donkey or an ox fall in the road and do nothing about it. You must help your fellow Israelite get the animal up again.”

You may be thinking “What does helping a donkey have to do with suffering?” I am not following…

But think about it. God is telling us not to let someone we know suffer alone. We should try to help even if that is just by listening.

Ask how someone is doing or just text to check-in. But check-in.

I still get texts or messages where people are just checking on me and it is nice. I do not always reply. Especially if it is a bad day but reading a text from someone helps me know that people are out there and I am not alone.

If you know that someone does not like the question, “How are you?” then say something like: “It’s good to see you today.” or “I am here for you.” These comments let them know you care but do not require them to come up with an answer to a deeply personal question.

The old saying “Don’t judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes” comes to mind. We never know what someone is going through but we can always be kind. Strive to help someone be okay tomorrow.

Resources:

Anxiety and Depression Association of America (https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics)