the greenest grass around

Have you ever met someone and walked away feeling drained or like you somehow don’t compare? I know I have. As one old saying goes, “It takes all kinds to make the world go round.” Another you have heard is, “If everyone was just like you, the world would be a boring place.” And it would be. We need diversity in our lives. Take a look at nature. How many different types of birds are there in the sky? Just think about how many options you have when you go to the plant section at Home Depot. (Insert me devilishly rubbing my hands together, with an evil laugh, to see what plant I shall kill this time.)

When my children were younger, there were a few moms that would put together over-the-top parties for their children. Now, don’t get me wrong. They were amazing parties and everything from the cake to the carnival-themed-pie-in-the-face activity was coordinated. They were truly a Pinterest-perfect party. Instagram wasn’t wildly popular back then, but they would have made the Instagram perfect party list. As much as I love party planning and being creative, I did not have the time or energy to plan and prepare a party on that level. As soon as I walked in the door, I would be hit with the awesomeness of the over-the-top decorations and mom guilt at the same time. You would think the overstimulation of all the decorations, and the smell of cotton candy, would override my guilt, but no.

As kids get older, some parties go by the wayside, but comparing yourself stays the same. Now it is parents talking about all of the honors classes and extracurricular activities their children are in. You may stay in the conversation adding tidbits here and there all while thinking about the fact that your child is dyslexic and doing good to make a C. You begin thinking, maybe he needs a tutor, should I make him do more homework, or did I not read to him enough when he was little? Geez, my kid can’t find one activity they like, let alone three.

You may say, I am not a parent, so I don’t do that. But you do. You compare yourself to others. You scroll through Facebook and Instagram pictures and compare yourself to them. You compare your vacations to theirs. The places they go and how often. You look at how good they look in the pictures. You see the great gifts their significant other got them for the holidays. You look at how happy their kids look in the perfect pictures with the red truck in a cornfield.

We constantly measure ourselves for better or worse.

Keep in mind, there is a fine line between self-reflection and being your own worst critic. It is way too easy to compare yourself to others and what the world says you should be or should do.

Since we all criticize ourselves, I want to challenge you to do so in a constructive manner. Let’s practice self-reflection in 2023.

I chose three words for 2023. Perspective, Healing, and Prevail. You can read my New Year’s post for more details. This year I want to self-reflect on my perspectives and my healing process this year. I know that without self-reflection those two things will not happen.

We will start with four basic levels:

1. Physical

2. Mental

3. Emotional

4. Spiritual

With true self-reflection, we look at ourselves with interest, curiosity, and inquiry, particularly when looking at our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions (Habash, 2022).

A good way to define effective self-reflection comes from Dr. Gail Browning “Reflection is a deeper form of learning that allows us to retain every aspect of any experience, be it personal or professional. Why something took place, what the impact was, and whether it should happen again. As opposed to just remembering that it happened. It’s about tapping into every aspect of the experiences, clarifying our thinking, and homing in on what really matters to us.”

Let’s hit the pause button on self-criticism and self-reflect instead.

We should regularly step back and reflect on our hearts and motivations to check in with ourselves. Even when we have the best intentions, they can quickly become jumbled up with our own agenda or selfish motivations.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139: 23-24

We will ask ourselves essential questions to look more deeply at these four areas. First, we look at an action or aspect of our lives. Second, we think about why it matters to our lives and the lives of others. And finally, we will identify some next steps for each of these areas of our lives.

Few things will help us change bad habits more than honest self-reflection. The next section may not be easy, but what in life that requires change never is. This has the potential to be a lengthy process. But if you want to be the best version of yourself, it is a necessity.

Resources:

Connie, Habash. (2022). What is Self-Reflection? Why is Self-Reflection Important?

“ThriveWorks” https://thriveworks.com/blog/importance-self-reflection-improvement/